I been looking for love in all the wrong places.... The biggest problem is that I've been LOOKING... how can you look for something you never really had? never really knew? thought you've experienced but in reality it was just lust, it was just you being comfortable with that person because you didn't want to start over, let's be serious starting over is blaaah, it's like "Do I really want to tell this person this?, did I tell them too much?" etc that whole process can be stressful, and redundant ... Yes, I was that girl that settled because I just wanted to feel a fraction of what I thought love was, I wanted the kisses and the hugs..The affection, feeling like I was his one and only knowing deep down inside that I wasn't. Loving the attention that I got at that moment... and when he was done he was done and when he was ready to come back, I let his ass back... I felt like I was special because he came back, maybe I had that good good that no other women had, thinking he was fond of me... I didn't understand back then that we was together because it was convenient for him. I wasn't a priority but an option because I allowed him to treat me as such... We're so stuck on what we want "love" to be, that we let and allow somebody that doesn't deserve us to treat us like we don't even matter, this thing here goes both ways and it should never hurt... but infatuation is a big bitch and will make you blind to the things that are wrong, once denial starts to play a major part in a relationship, it is time to evaluate yourself and GET YO LIFE *Tamar Braxton voice*
I am proud to say that I learned my self worth... I know who I am and what I want... I LOVE MYSELF first before any man and it will forever stay that way. We can't love others and not ourselves because a person won't adore you or respect you if you don't even do that for yourself...we become so obsessed with pleasing them and making them happy that we lose us in the process... WE starts to be HE/SHE.. that is not a good feeling at all... to be in love all by yourself... I am scared tho, to open myself up and trusting a man, the first thing I do is think negatively before it even really starts, I'm going into my 2nd year of singlehood, I am so used to just being by myself, i'm content with being alone and I don't think that is a good thing especially since I am so young, I should be at least dating. But i'm not, I don't want to waste my time cause I can't get it back ...Slowly but surely I am going to take that chance and roll the dice... It's like a gamble, you win some and you lose some... not only relationship wise but in general...
I'm not going to lie I HATE being single but then again, I really don't want to rush some shit I might regret... I do want to get married one day, settle down build a family, career and all that together as one. It's not just about a title you have to put in that hard work and dedication. At the same time, I like not having to worry about if my man is cheating, or the lies, I don't have to explain to anybody where I am going and why... Shit, it's none of your got damn business!!!!!! I don't have to worry about none of that... And then when I do get lonely, I be wanting some want company, I miss those nights being laid up and cuddling.. But I refuse to be with somebody just to say that i'm in a relationship. I don't want a pointless person in my life that has nothing else to offer but that one thing and like Trey Songz said, "Sex ain't better than love". I want it to be some official shit that is not sold in stores... Love that is so ripe that you get chills at the thought of em, you wake up with them on your mind, go to sleep with them in your dreams, when their number pops up on your phone you get butterflies and the only cheese face lol... it gives you that glow that is brighter than the sun, and when he goes deep the sweat on the sheets can overfill any ocean. Somebody that has your back and supports everything that you do and vice versa... I can go on and on but I don't feel like it
